Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Stifling


It doesn't take much
for a memory to resurface
a realization of loss to interrupt a moment
a longing to linger
an ache to assert itself

And in the middle of running to and fro
of idle thinking
or proactive doing

In a moment of solitude
or in the midst of a mob
in the act of living
in the business of breathing

An emotion gurgles
from a visceral place
Surprising
Shocking
Awaking a feeling indescribable

And I stifle a sob
retract a tear
suffocate a sigh
It only takes a moment
It doesn't take much

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Grasping

Grasping for miracles

to bring back what is lost
Grasping for answers
to explain the meaning
behind the pain
Grasping for breath
as sobs engulf my lungs
Grasping for a vision
behind the haze of tears
Grasping for God
to hold my hand
as I drown in sorrow
Grasping to to stay afloat
as my body is weighed down
by a heart that feels like a ton of bricks
Grasping for love
and finding it in family and friends
Grasping for hope
Grasping for sleep
Grasping for rest
Grasping for silence
in a mind that never stops making noise
Grasping for noise
when all around is silence
and sadness and emptiness
Grasping for light
in a day made darker by a storm
Grasping her hand
and willing her to come back
Grasping for life
Grasping for control
Grasping for yesterday
for memories dulled by an addled mind
Grasping for joy
Grasping for peace
Grasping for comfort
Grasping for something to numb the pain
Grasping for normalcy
Grasping for strength
not just to stay standing
but to prop others too
Grasping to survive
Breathing
Inhaling
Exhaling
Taking one listless step
after another
Moving just to stop from collapsing
Hoping that someday
I will be more than just
grasping

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Do you?


Do you ever feel your chest about to burst
Just out of sheer affection
For that person in front of you
Oblivious

Do you ever want to shout out
This person’s mine
This person chose me
Regardless

Do you ever stop your hand
From just touching to assure yourself
That person’s there
Staying

Do you ever hear your heart groan
Aching for more
Hungry for something
Unfathomable

Do you ever gnash your teeth
Wanting to be more than you can be
Better, prettier, sweeter
Desperately

Do you ever feel regret
That you weren’t always there
To understand the history behind the person
You now see

Do you ever feel your eyes fog up
Just at the thought of losing someone
Who means more than life
To you

Do you ever wonder how long
A lifetime you still have
To spend, to relish
Together

Do you?

Because sometimes,
Often,
Okay, once in a while,
I do

And if you didn’t
It would be just so sad
For me
And you

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Two Angels

About my friend A, whose father has never told his other children that he has another daughter.


Blood binds them
Ignorance divides them
Fears and lies hide them from the joys of connection
And the likely pains of revelation
Alone, detached from flesh and blood
She aches for a kinship denied
And wonders who knows
And questions who cares
Their father’s sin
From ages ago
Unconfessed , Unresolved
Yet still potent in its power to hurt
To deprive

To connect?
Or not?
That is the question the breaks the heart.
To reveal
To conceal
That’s the decision that may liberate
Or may scathe
Two angels apart
One knows
One lingers in a haze
One waits, her wings clipped
One unaware
The man that connects them
In perpetual denial
In a coward’s cloud